Well hello darlins! I would have blogged sooner, but I was a little hungover Sunday…Bless my heart. Let’s just say that I had a bit too much house wine at my new niece’s wedding Saturday night. My last blog, I was tellin’ you about my in law issue…well I figured I’d tackle this event with a positive attitude and look good doing it. I mean, it’s all in the attitude right?? So, pull up a chair, get comfy and I’ll fill you in on how the day went.
I tried to sleep in Saturday because I figured I would be well rested since I am usually passing out by ten o’clock on any given night and I didn’t want to look exhausted and be yawnin’ all over the place. My cat did not have the same idea. She started slapping me in the face with her paw around 7am and didn’t stop. She was more persistent than a fat lady at a Spanx sale on Black Friday. So I was up while the husband slept blissfully unaware. Next I plotted my outfit. I had the whole combo going. My hairdo, the flower, the shoes, the earrings, the nail polish-everything. I was going to look good because the last time the family saw me was my wedding and I wasn’t going to have them think I looked good for my wedding and not in real life.
**All you women know what I”m talking about here..there is “real life” and there is “your wedding day” …You look amazing on your wedding day because let’s face it, you got your makeup done, you’re wearing a dress which cost more than your rent, someone has done your hair, you have a spray tan, and if you’re lucky, your hogzilla cat let you sleep in that day so you don’t have undereye circles and bags from hell. Then there’s the real life- The most you can hope for where you have about a half hour to throw your hair together, put on some concealer, lip gloss, masquera and hope for the best. No one wants to run into others right after the wedding and have them look at you like they have no idea who you are.
So…..(I digress….I do that alot) my husband woke up and I realized we were not going to match at all. We had to match! We are a couple! Geeze. We were the last ones to get married after all, we are like the most popular couple in high school! Everyone is going to look at us! We are Sandy and Danny and this is Grease! HELLO!!! He just shrugs like it’s no big deal. Really honey? Do you KNOW me? Sometimes I have no idea who I married. Undeterred, I find a tie that has the same colors as my dress and start to get ready. We won’t mention his shirt.
Finally I am assembled and I am ready. I have my hair-did with the extensions in, (and I must say, it is looking pretty damn good) and I am ready to make my entrance. I have my snazzy retro red rose in behind my ear, my nail polish and toes match, my platform awesome red peep toes are amazing and I am convinced I have got it going on and I am prom queen worthy, hand me my crown and scepter, get out of my way! The family will be blown away! I am awesome. Bring it on family!
Of course we are still in the dog days of summer (woof woof) and it’s hotter than HECK out there. The church ceremony was nice, the bride was beautiful and everything was sweet and innocent just like weddings are…everyone gets over to the reception after tortuously LONG family pictures (everybody hug each other and give the thumbs up!!! screamed the perky photographer!!) what??!!!! um…no thanks! I’m good! My father in law revolted and stomped outside for a cigarette.
Once at the reception, I was hot, thirsty and ready for some fun. I looked around and that’s when it hit me…weddings are basically prom for adults!! Think about it…you have couples, they buy new outfits, get all dressed up and color coordinated..they all sit at decorated tables with little favors. There’s the prom king and queen (bride and groom) there’s the class clowns (people who make the toasts, usually someone throwing some kind of inappropriate thing in there) chaperones, (kids interrupting their parent’s good time) music, the fast dances, the couples slow dancing, the reluctant slow dancers, the “I’m giving you a dirty look because you won’t slow dance with me’s”, & alcohol patrol (Uncle Bob, give me the keys…no Uncle Bob, that’s the women’s room, grandma put your shirt back on!!)
So, I treated it as our prom and we slow danced out hearts out, we were goofy -spinning around to “Dancing Queen” by Abba while his sister looked on rather envious because she was dateless and I stole her little brother from her…we fast danced to “Shout” and threw our arms up, we line danced to “It’s Electric” and even had “The Time of our Life”, got “Low” had a dirty dance off with his brother to Usher and all the while ….I kept drinking the Merlot house wine in between and accepted hugs and kisses from my new nieces and nephews all night and told my new niece how beautiful she was as a bride and was even nice to my husband’s best friend. I really made progress…I felt like a popular kid! I felt like I was a senior and it was my prom! It was the best of times! It was rainbows and kittens! Unicorns! Smurfs! I was soooo popular~!
Then it was Sunday and my head hurt, I was peeling false eyelashes off my cheek and felt like I’d been in the Sahara desert for a week. The cat stared at me judgingly as I read all the drunken posts I put on facebook, complete with pictures and comments of what not to wear as I sipped my latte and took my Excedrin…But I got through the in-law family function….!!! And I ask you…isn’t that what counts!!?? Toodles Kitties…..